Bearing my last blog in mind and what my expectations were for fostering I can whole heartedly say, that has not been my experience. There has been no reunification, no successful returns to parents and there has only been one placement. I say ‘only’ but I’m not too sure we could have gone through it again had we had to return our three to their previous home.
I said that I didn’t realise I was going to fall in love and trust me, I know that sounds corny. Perhaps I should have written, I didn’t know love was going to grow (but let’s be honest, that’s just as cheesy). Let me try and explain.
Quite simply, I continue to foster because I couldn’t give them up. During the Christmas break we went to a panto (the first one the children had ever been to). We obviously knew the ‘panto-protocol’ and what to expect but when the audience started boo-ing or clapping along my three were dumb founded…to begin with. When they cottoned on to the fact they could get involved their faces lit up and the smiles that they had as they hissed at the villain were priceless. The same glee was palpable when we got the paddling pool out in the summer, or when they saw fireworks in the garden for the first time.
It’s those moments that make me feel like I’ve made a difference, like I’m making a difference. Even if these children packed up and walked out on their 18th birthday, yes, I’d be devastated but I’d know that they had some ideas about what life can look like and how traditions within a family can work.
I know that there is a chance that my relationship with my three could be limited. It could end at a certain time or point in their life but us showing them joy and happiness and fun means it will always be there for them. I know I have a romanticised view of the world, and there will be many old hats possibly reading this with a cynical smile, but you know what, I don’t care. I’d rather have rose tinted glasses than a half empty cup.
As foster carers we can only do so much and once they are adults it is their choice as to whether we are in their lives. I just hope that we do enough to ensure they stick around.